My soul is weary of my
life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of
my soul. I will say unto God, Do not condemn me; shew me wherefore thou
contendest with me. (Job 10:1-2)
I do not have much to write today. I feel that the storms in
my life is just getting worse and worse and I can feel the darkness setting in.
This morning I woke with the words “WHY”. Why me Lord. My ex left and she seems
to be doing well. I on the other hand is battling every moment of every day
just to make ends meet and to be in more than one place. What I do I do for my
kids and my little one that does not want to go to his mom is a difficult thing
and I am on my knees asking God to change her heart so that she will see he must
stay with me so that he can deal with this. I feel broken today. It was leg day
and I think I took out my frustrations on my legs, because they are still shaking,
and they have that constant numb feeling. It was a good workout though.
When my life feels the way, it does now I often look at Job
and what he went through. My soul is weary of my life and I will surely lay my
complaints. I fall asleep in seconds and I can’t get up in the mornings. I am
so tired of all the nonsense in my life and the challenges that I face. I look up
at my Lord and I ask why He argues and struggles with me. I tried so hard to be
better and yet I am the one being punished. I wanted my family to be well again,
but I face the condemnation. It just does not feel right.
Yet God answers for My
thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For
as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways And
My thoughts higher than your
thoughts. “For as the rain and snow come down from heaven, And do not return
there without watering the earth, Making it bear and sprout, And providing seed
to the sower and bread to the eater, So will My word be which goes out of My
mouth; It will not return to Me void (useless, without result), Without
accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.
I am not there yet. I still have much to do and much to
change. I am your servant Lord and I give my life for you. Bring my children to
me and let them stay with me. Bless me oh Lord, so that I can keep my home and
create a safe place for my boys. Bless our home and reign in our house so that
we will glorify you in every moment. Give me the strength I need to be the man
you saw when you created me. Have an awesome day.
I love you, my friend in Jesus.
Cheers
