Today Reminder – 14 May 2015 (Day 7 – Darkness)

A reminder for today

For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:6) 

Every time I say goodnight to my boys it feels as if someone rips out my heart only to replace it the next day when I see them again. I guess the pain and guilt will still walk with me for a long time, but this does not mean that my healing should also.

Jesus carried that cross broken and in pain and in the end gave His life so that we can have life. Let us not bury ourselves in darkness but let us allow His light to break our darkness so that we can show His glory as it shines on our faces through the good and the bad.

I am on my knees and I have reached my end. I am broken but I will be reborn and this time I will be stronger. Stronger so that my sons will know His glory and learn to seek it as I have. 

I am in Him as He is in me. I am holding on Lord, show me the way back.

Have and awesome day dear friend of Jesus

Cheers

Today Reminder – 13 May 2015 (Day 6 – Darkness)

A reminder for today

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. (John 1:5) 

I got home last night and spoke to my wife. I was worried because she seemed to battle and I could see she was in a tough place. She said she could not sleep because she was worried that she would not be able to take care of the boys. I must admit I was a little disappointed that she thought this. All these years all I ever did was for those two boys and all I have I will gladly give for them. I reassured her that this is the last of her worries and that I will always take care of them. Al least this is one promise I have never broken and never will. They are my life. I realised again that despite my mistakes and the wrongs I made, that there is two sides to every story and to tell you mine is to give you an account of my side and how I experienced it. I have been wrong but there are two sides to this. Every story has two sides and it takes two to tango. She also has her mistakes and she originally wanted a divorce for other reasons than my affair. I was wrong in building an emotional bond with a friend and I accept my judgement, but to continue in this darkness is killing me and it is time to stop looking back and to start looking forward and up.

The light shines in the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it. Jesus loves me regardless of my mistakes and He is the light in my darkness and the rock I stand on. I believe that everything happens for a reason. We can never understand it for we do not see it from God’s perspective. It is hard and the pain is unbearable but my love for my boys and my faith in Him is greater than all the pain in the world.

I will not be defeated. I will rise again and be better than ever before. I am a child of God and I gladly carry my cross for Him. I am not perfect and I can never be, but He accepts me the way I am.

When I say, “I am a Christian”, I’m not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are far too visible, but God believes I’m worth it.

Have and awesome day dear friend of Jesus

Cheers

Today Reminder – 12 May 2015 (Day 5 – Darkness)

A reminder for today

“the people who sat in darkness have seen a great light. And for those who lived in the land where death casts its shadow, a light has shined." (Matthew 4:16)

When we step out into darkness we expose our souls to the harm and hold satan have on us, and we enter dangerous ground.

Everything happened quickly and before I know it I was asking her father for her hand in marriage. All seemed fine, but when the date got closer I became scared and was afraid that I am about to make a mistake. I needed closure and I needed to make a choice. I made my first mistake when I tried to contact an old girlfriend to find that closure and to stand firm on my choice. She found my messages and all crumbled. We got married but my insecurities cost me dearly and we entered a time where she distrusted me and I rebelled against it. Instead of talking it trough we argued. I should’ve opened my heart and share my worries but instead I closed up and she just got tougher on me. I felt that she wanted to control me, because she did not trust me. 

So we just carried on ignoring our problems hoping they will disappear.

We are quick to judge and look at other and slow to see our own mistakes. I have made so many and some days I think I will never be able to repay them. I am in a troubled place as I start each day broken and lost. I open my eyes and I look up to Him seeking His warm light as it touches my face and lifting my Spirit. Jesus continuous to remind me that my sin is forgiven and I must forgive myself.

It is so hard.

Have and awesome day dear friend of Jesus

Cheers

Today Reminder – 11 May 2015 (Day 4 – Darkness)

A reminder for today

“to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace." (Luke 1:79)

Every beginning has and end and every end has a beginning. To find myself again I need to start at the beginning. Please forgive me if my memories are vague, it has been over 10 years…

It was tough week for my friend Ian when he called. When times were tough we often went out to “Firkens” for drinks and the music. Most of the time they had a live band and the music was always good. So on a short while we would be having fun and the troubles we had would be behind us. 

She was beautiful when I saw her on the dance floor. She seemed a little shy and a little uncomfortable, because many young male predators where making their way towards her. I pulled Ian on his arm as we stood closer making a barrier so that these guys had no choice but to try elsewhere.

Soon we sat together and talked and she left her number on my phone. When I phoned her the next day she sounded surprised and even more so when I asked her out on a first official date.

I took her to Monte Casino and we had a great time. Everything seemed so perfect and I was in love. From there on everything happened quite quick and before we knew it we were planning our wedding day…

To see the future one must look behind him. I looked ahead and it seemed as if I had found my match. My life was filled with blessings and I did so well at work. What could possibly go wrong?

Have and awesome day dear friend of Jesus

Cheers

Today Reminder – 10 May 2015 (Day 3 – Darkness)

A reminder for today

The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine (Isaiah 9:2)

My darkness now is much greater than ever before. In the last month I have fallen into a deeper and more severe darkness. I have caused those close to me a great deal of pain in my own fall and with my mistakes. These mistakes have followed me for many years and finally broke the surface and caused terrible sadness to those close to me.

You see an affair I had now destroyed my marriage and brought so much pain into my life and the lives of other. In the last few months I have questioned my own beliefs and the very relationship I had with Jesus. I have been called a hypocrite and rightly so, because the very truth I stand for are now the stones that I have to face. I have betrayed my God and I have lost everything. 

I stand in darkness as my world collapses around me and I battle to hold on to Him as I have lost my faith and fear now dwells in its place.

I am so broken as I face daily judgements. I look into the eyes of my little boys and my heart splinters into pieces. I am filled with regret as I judge myself and punish myself for what I have done. Yes, we have had our differences but in the end it is all my fault and I now have to live with that and it is killing me.

My land is dark as I stand before the Lord broken and in pieces seeking His face and His guidance. I feel so lost as I walk each step lost and alone. 

It is funny how we feel alone on our battles and how we try to decide how God will react and how angry He is at us. I have done so much wrong and I am terrified to look people in the eye because of what I have done in my life. Jesus says that His grace is enough and no matter our mistakes and how terrible our sins, He has taken this burden on His shoulders and on the cross. I need to find my forgiveness in myself and break the grip that satan now holds on me. I need to find my path back to the light and be better for I am His child and as much as I think I understand love I can never comprehend His love for us.

I am struggling, but I know He is with me. There is light even in my darkness.

Have and awesome day dear friend of Jesus

Cheers