My thoughts and my life

It has been a while since I wrote to you. I had a terrible and good year. God is good and He has been in every day as I faced some of the worst challenges and still do. What can we say about challenges. Paul said we must rejoice in tribulation because our faith grows when we face difficult challenges and our relationship with God gets stronger. In my case it was the opposite. My challenges did not pull me closer but instead pushed me back to my default. Fight. For the first time hatred filled me as I watch one more time how unfair manipulation gets rewarded, and I simply stand powerless to it. Everything in live happens with a purpose. We do not always understand when things are removed from our lives or when things cross our path. God will never test you beyond your abilities and believe me I got close to the point where I thought God had a different person in mind. Yet here I am. Jesus said that His grace is enough. The problem here is not the grace part but what we know of...

What is forgiveness? Oxford says it is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. But what is forgiveness actually? It is the release of the grip of offence taken or given that directly touches rejection and insecurity. Jesus said in Matthew 6, For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Paul wrote to the Ephesians, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. In Luke 6 we read, do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Forgiveness is not just letting go but in essence it is releasing yourself, your soul, and your mind from hurtful bondage. Unforgiveness a...

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” We are busy with a series on “Anything can happen” in our church and to be honest I am a firm believer in anything can happen, because with God all things are possible. Peter walked out on the water and as soon as he saw the waves caused by the storm on the ocean he started to sink. Jesus grabbed him, but what He said is something that I want to emphasize. Jesus said, “Why did you doubt me?”. Does this sound familiar? I find myself in this exact spot so many times and when I am in the middle of the storm, I get overwhelmed, and I lose the fight. Jesus makes it abundantly clear that by faith Peter would have been fine because his trust would have been firm in the Lord. Why do we doubt? I think it is in some instances that we seek a quick fix and when it does not happen at the time we wanted, we lose faith, and we drown. Luckily the Lord is always with us, an...

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it (Romans 7). I read this chapter and to be honest it just opened to me. We live everyday trying to do the right thing and I find myself completely missing the objective and ending up doing it wrong. I am constantly in a battle, and it seems as if the enemy just took up a new level of attack on me. I am currently battling with two autoimmune diseases and the words in proverbs 23 (For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he) just opened my eyes yesterday. I realised that one of my biggest challenges is the “Not enough” challenge. I am not a good enough father, I am not providing enough, I am not good enough, I am not strong enough, I am not supporting enough, and I a...

I think personally I am probably the worst example of how to be a Christian ever. My entire life is a roller-coaster ride from one obstacle to the next and from one mistake to the other. I think my biggest problem ever was content and understanding love as Jesus showed. Content basically summarised as not excepting circumstances as they were or a simple life. I needed to be the best and needed to drive the car I wanted, and I needed to be accepted the way I was. There was no place for someone else’s needs except my kids and surely no place for disagreement. Obstacles I have plenty and challenges even more. I think stupidity and ignorance probably played a huge role and then there is me having to prove a thing or two. Jesus gave one commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you (John 15). Paul goes a bit further and explains love (kindness) in a broader way in Corinthians 13. The essence of love is love like Jesus loves. That unconditional intense love that will ...

I find myself in probably in one of the most challenging times in my life and I am struggling to understand what God wants from this. My budget is so depleted at the moment that to make my month I have to walk to work. Today was my first walk and I tell you it is much further than it looks plus I totally miscalculated the time to walk the distance so I was late for work. Then to add to my mishap I am so tired today and my knees are so sore. I am sitting here contemplating how am I going to keep this up. On my walk this morning the Holy Spirit kept putting these words into my head: For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  This is Paul and I have to give you the full context of it because you will be so surprised when you hear the rest of my testimony. How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how...